If only he had accepted....

I remember, I don't if it was the Mike Wallace interview, or an interview I read in a paper, but, Saddam Hussain actually had offered a duel with President Bush. Well after reading about another four of our great soldiers being blown to bits, I can't help dwell on the fact that this war could have been over in a day if only our strong, courageous, chickenhawk president would have accepted. Not only would there have been hundreds of thousands of lives saved, hundreds of billions of dollars saved, but think of the ratings!

This could have been the mother of all reality shows. Think of the preparation, the practices, the pomp and circumstance around this great event. Maybe it could be held in a neutral country like Switzerland. By the way, how is it that Switzerland can be neutral? Oh yes, that is where the banks are, but then I digress.

Think of the buildup and the interviews. Think of the great cheering sounds as these two great warriors walk into the arena. Would the chants of BUSH, BUSH, BUSH drown out those of SADDAM, SADDAM, SADDAM? Think of the quiet as these two men listen to the referees tell them the rules as we strain to hear and see their reactions as they steely gaze into each other. The tension would be great, and now a break from our sponsor, Viagra.

Ok, we're back and after a brief jostling the two leaders went back to their spots to get one last brief remark of encouragement and to remember to be patient, calm and aim. The two nervously rock back and forth when finally the whistle is blown and the men must move to the center circle with their backs to each other. The cameras pan the crowds, shift to closeups of each face, showing the men before the possible final moment. Quick to the split screen effect as the second whistle blows.

The leaders start their walk of twenty paces each. This little fact alone took over three months of negotiations between the parties. Saddam wanted ten and Bush wanted a hundred. Rumors floated of a cia agent marksman planted somewhere in the stadium, however, security was tightest for this event since ... well since I boarded the airplane to come here.

Step by step they walk with the cameras closing in, five steps, ten steps... You can feel the tension. You see the tension. Quickly we cut to a mother holding a US Flag closer to her hearty, next we cut to an Iraqi mother holding her child so close to her heart. This is it everyone. In a moment this great war will be decided... 15, 16, 17, they hold their guns like they held their babies many years ago,,, 18, 19, 20..... BANG! BANG!

The war is over.

Corporate Cynicisms

I was looking at site when I noticed a picture of some Malaysians walking down a downtown type street with air masks on due to the amount of "haze" in the air. Right there and then it hit me. The corporates have finally achieved capitalistic nirvana. They can sell you the air you breathe! Now, mind you it isn't exactly the air, but its even better... it's the old razor and blade trick. They have to now buy air masks with changeable filters. Plus think of the possibilities, pink masks, blue masks, rainbow masks, even iMasks with built in music players. Isn't progress great?

They already have programmed us for water. Such a simple and insidious plan. Pollute the waters and air and then sell it back filtered. Amazing, and we just love it too. We can't seem to buy enough of these bottles. Filtered water from Fiji?!, Hawaii, even New Jersey. A few more years of burning oil everywhere is sure to make the filter companies eager with anticipation.

Like I always said, "If you can't make money with it, make it illegal." Maybe I now should add, " or pollute it."