Monday, January 16, 2006

The $64,000 Guarantee!!

$64,000 is such a nice number really. Not very threatening, but surely more than just pocket change for someone like you or me. What can $64,000 get someone? Well a very nice luxury car if that is what floats your boat. It can also get you a down payment on a nice small house or condo. Pay for a child's education or onerous medical bill. Or an opportunity to pay off your debts and start fresh.

What would you do with $64,000?

Well what if I told you, that I will guarantee you $64,000!

That is right guarantee it.

But even better than that I am going to give it to you as 24K gold. Inflation and recession proof, 24 carat gold Baby!

You must now be thinking "He is a total madman, or the greatest living genius since Tesla!"

Want to know something even crazier? You will get it for free. FREE! Not one lousy cent out of the depths of your couch's most inner parts. But Free! Free the sweet sound of Free!!!

But if that this isn't crazy enough, "It's guaranteed!"

Well guess what, that isn't even the half of it! I will give you the answers of JFK's assassination or what goes on at Area51. Yes, I am even guaranteeing you government information that is completely classified!

Preposterous you claim! It must be "Too Good To Be True So It Isn't True" (TGTBTSIIT). Well it isn't. What is even more amazing is that once you say yes to $64,000 you will have the power to completely change the world. Guaranteed.

I could go on, but needless to say, there has to be a catch and so there is a catch.

The catch is simple, you have to be over 18 and be a legal citizen of the United States. That is it.

So let me repeat this to you.

I will guarantee you $64,000 in 24K gold and the answer to any mystery you think the government has knowledge of and for free.

$64,000 and any government secret for free?

You are probably frowning in complete disbelief. Another 419 type scam you say, but, in this case you would be sadly mistaken. Unlike the 419, phishing, and myriad other schemes you may have read or heard about, this is not. In fact this is guaranteed!

Amazing, legal, guaranteed and completely free. You will not have to spend one lonely cent. Yet I am guaranteeing the complete truth of some of the biggest events in US History and $64,000 in pure 24K Gold!

You have nothing to lose, not even a cent. Yet, you could reap an incredible financial and knowledge windfall and set a new direction for prosperity and freedom for you and everyone you know.

So, where were we.... Ah yes, and $64,000 in Gold!

I hope you are asking "Where do I sign up?" as that would an excellent and sensible question. Again, the answer is easy... anywhere in the good Ol' USA. Again simple.

Ok, so you are ready to sign up and change the world and receive all of the above and more? Well then congratulate yourself on making a profoundly great decision.

But first you have to register to vote.

Yes, register to vote, you heard me. This is a very reasonable request and it insures that this offer is only good to voting american citizens. Hey, what can I say, I am a patriot. So go out and register and tell all your friends and family to register too!

Now what you ask? I will tell you what, you have to vote! Aha! That is the reason for it being offered to only voting american citizens. How beautiful is that? I will give everyone an opportunity for $64,000 and greatness just for registering to vote.

Finally, you have to vote for the 64Thousand party!

That is right! The 64Thousand party. You probably have never heard of it until now and that is ok, because, up until now it did not exist. But, if, G-d willing, it does capture the hearts and mind of America, look out. We will once again be able to humbly and peaceably lead by example with effort and grace.

So I ask for your comments now. What would be your plank for a new viable political party? Pass this on and let's see what we can get going.

3 comments:

mark said...

insanely brilliant. But without raiding fort knox, where is all the gold coming from?

Anonymous said...

You are just brilliant man....First I was sad sumthing which disqualified me for not being eligible for a free $64000/- worth of Gold. hey the I tought it would be worth $64000/- but 100 years later discounted to Present value

Just being me. Are you being you? said...

Thanks!

I just got to these comments. I didn't realize that they existed.

Anyway, the gold would come from our holdings which would include Fort Knox. Now if their is a shortage of gold, the market will react. Maybe to the point where $64,000 only equals 16 ounces! Better the markets tell you the value vs the back room financial hedge fund modelers.

So, I have decided to move forward and start the process of creating a new viable political party where the commoner will have a real voice.